…but of course, parenting!
I really dislike the aftermath of an outburst with my child. As much as I want to control my temper, tongue and thoughts, I’ll most likely lose my cool and end up either shouting, nagging or scolding him.
Of course, at that particular moment, I always feel justified doing it. “He needs to know”, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”, “He has to learn it the hard way”, “That’s part of growing up”, or “The truth hurts” etc etc, as these thoughts pop up in my head. But then again, I’ll always feel regret, pain and discouraged that I’ve been such a “bad mother”. Why did I say things to hurt him? Why didn’t I control my mouth? How could I do that? What if it scars him for life? What if I’ve hurt him so much that he does something after this?
Over the years, I’ve acknowledged that parents are humans, and that we err, do silly things and regret, too. Just like anybody else. Being a parent doesn’t automatically make us spotless, perfect or a great role model – we are basically WIP (work-in-progress), too. Just like our kids.
Hence, I’ve learned to say this to my child whenever I have an outburst and regret what I say and do – “You’re the most perfect son for an imperfect mother like me“, and I’ll have a conversation from the heart with him – human to human. I must say that my son has also been the best role model to teach me what it means to forgive and forget. The next minute, things are “calm and settled” like how it was before the “storm’.
The concept of partnership in coaching has somewhat taught me how to parent my child positively and supportively. When dealing with issues, to treat one another as human beings (and not human doings), equally accepting that we both have natural tendencies to make mistakes, get angry, fail or disappoint one another. At the same time, we can also learn a lot from each other.
After experiencing being a parent myself, I am convinced that parenting is one of the toughest roles ever, especially with the surmount of responsibilities over a tiny human. On the other hand, I am continuously motivated to be the best mother I can be as I am reminded that “every great man (or woman) was once a child”.
– Josephine PL Ong
Josephine PL Ong
