My parents are growing older and stubborn. How do I as a daughter get through to them

This morning over breakfast my dad declared that he has stopped take his BP medication. That he has been silently tapering it off and now will not have it anymore. I suggested that he measure & record for the data for 30 days and consult a doctor.

He is adamant that he won’t go to a allopathy doctor unless it’s an emergency. He is 79 and my parent live in another city.

any tips on how to get through to a very strong and independent minded father, who feels that he knows best

5 thoughts on “My parents are growing older and stubborn. How do I as a daughter get through to them”

  1. I agree, aging parents can often be quite challenging and frustrating to handle.

    One thing that has helped me is to step back and look at it from their perspective. To remember they were in charge and in control of their lives and ours for years, and to lose a lot of that can be hard for them.

    Perhaps holding onto things stubbornly makes them feel they are in control of that part of their life.

    But off course we’ll still be worried about their well being.

    It may help to talk his doctor and share what’s happening.

    You may also want to gather all the patience you have left and try and understand from your father what makes him take this step and help him talk it through with you and gently put across your love and concern for him and that you worry about his health and see if he changes his mind.

  2. Its a lot to deal with. I agree with you Tara .. perhaps dad misses being in control of his life. 🙄Indian Dads particularly are used to being the pillar. And to slowly deal with age, mortality, perhaps no longer being in charge of the finances would be adding up.

    Thanks !!

  3. Hey conci.. I hear you. Dealing with parents growing older is tough. Do you have a family friend who is a doctor ? Maybe your dad would be more open to discussing with a friend rather than a formal patient-doctor format.

  4. Hi Conci, You have already got some great advice in. Still will add my two bits.

    Why did your father stop the medicine?

    You mentioned that he has been silently tapering it off- so there seems to be logic in what he is doing at least in his mind? Can you understand that?? Is it possible for you to just listen (and probably not get agitated when doing so) as to what is rationale for stopping it? How is he taking care of himself other wise?

    I get that being far away from them you are concerned and maybe you can find ways of observing his health and seeing if everything else is okay. You feel that he needs to take his medicine, you feel he is not listening, he may clearly feel the same about you.

    Am sure he will be fine.

    From a fellow daughter of a 79 year old 🙂

     

     

    1. Thanks Ruchi… you are right about trying to listen to his logic. I suppose my panic kicks in and I am not patient with him.. but over the last few weeks.. I have been trying to understand where he is coming from. I dont agree with him.. but in the end he is an adult and I should respect his thought process..

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